Who Knew?

Who knew that writing could be so therapeutic?!? Maybe one day I will invite the masses to read my blogs, until then I am going to continue to document this journey as well as purge my thoughts along the way.

Today mentally I am feeling a lot more stronger than I have in a long time. I have absolutely no desire for alcohol. Something that when I am in the depths of my depression I cannot sleep without. I am thrilled. I actual haven't felt the need for any of my usually vices. Thanking my Source for these small victories.

Sooooooo, Herbalife has been totally easier than I ever thought. I have not felt hungry or like I am being deprived. Yaaaaaaay!! The first meal replacement shake I purchased was the limited addition "Orange Cream" flavor. GROSS!!! I am drinking it anyway. I added a handful of fresh blueberries this morning and it made all the difference in the world. My Herbalife rep gave me GREAT motivation..... he said, "If you can drink alcohol then you can drink this shake." He was right and that's what the hell I have been doing.

Super excited about my weight loss too. I had not had a scale, so I stopped by a friends workplace and got my weight yesterday which I blogged at 223.7 lbs. Today HOT DAMN I came in at 218.9. How is that for some motivation?! Water weight, detox, pooh, whatever it gone off/out of this body and I feel ELATED & MOTIVATED.

I got a late start today and never made my morning trip to the gym. I got in the pool and swam a few laps instead. It was such a lovely day for lounging. I think I saw a Preying Mantis (See Below) !! I think I am open to switching my workouts up and not keeping it strictly in the gym. We shall see.

Until tomorrow.........

The "PLAN"

So what's the plan? What am I going to do? What foods am I going to eat? What physical activities am I going to engage in?

Well here it goes.

NUTRITION PLAN
I am going to eat 5 to 6 times each day. This consists of 3 main meals and 2 to 3 snacks. For 2 of my main meals I am having meal replacement shakes via Herbalife and for my third meal I will have a lean dinner (Lean protein, veggies, sm. amount of complex carbs). For snacks I will have an apple with Tbs.  of peanut butter, handful of nuts and piece of fruit, greek yogurt and fruit, cheese and fruit etc. You get the picture. Something light with plenty of protein and low carbs. I have given up alcohol, coffee, and refined sugar. I am also drinking plenty of water. About 100oz. daily and raspberry herbalife tea.

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY PLAN
I am going to workout twice a day. Once in the AM and once in the PM minimum 4 times weekly but I am pushing for up to 6. Right now I have just started out walking and elliptical until I can get my stamina and endurance back up. One of the reasons I have fallen off in the past is because i go to the gym after not going for months and months and months and expect to be at my original capability. Of course this is not the case and I beat myself up for falling off only to fall off again. This time I am taking it slower. Easing back in. I will still be pushing myself with weekly increases, however I plan practicing forgiveness of myself if I can't live up to some expectation I have of myself.

MENTAL PLAN
I am utilizing self affirmations regarding my success. In the mornings I have set aside time for spiritual study to deepen my understanding and the evenings I have reserved time for meditation. Prayer is a 24 hour thing with me. Meditation is new for me, but I have seen a true benefit in employing it and setting aside specific time for me to do it.


MY SCHEDULE:

7AM - Rise. Within 40 minutes have my shake, tea, water, & supplements (vitamins, meds, etc.)
9:30AM - Snack (Slightly higher in Carbs. because I am heading to the gym after)
10AM - Gym
1PM - Shake (the high protein s great for post workout), tea, water, supplements
4PM - Snack
7PM - Dinner.... My regular meal
8-9PM - Gym
10:30-11PM - Shower & Meditation
12AM - Lights out

Day 2..... I weighed in at 223.7

The "BACK" Story

Hi everyone. My friends know me as Alex and those close to my heart call me Esh. I am 35 going on 24 LOL! Seriously I am young spirited and adventurous at heart. However my life's arch nemesis has been my weight. For the majority of my adult life I have been overweight, and at times flat out obese. People that have known me 6 or more years have been witness to my very public struggles. I am embarking on this weight loss/healthy lifestyle journey once again. Follow with me.

In July 2005 I decided that I would try in lose 20 pounds so that I could undergo a surgical procedure and get maximum results. I started going to the gym. I would go once a week, hated to sweat and could only walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes. I had an awesome partner that kept me motivated and eventually I was able to do 45min to 1 hour of cardio in addition to strength training 4 to 5 times a week. I blinked and the 20 pounds was gone. I thought that was easy so let's keep going. I did not diet per se, but I definitely made healthier food choices. My handwork paid off and by December 2006 (My 30th Birthday) I had shed 70 pounds. It was a new me!!! I finally got skinny!! 

LESSON LEARNED: Exercise, determination, and consistency = RESULTS

I thought that I had conquered this monster for good until my Grandmother died in June 2008. I sank to the depths of a depression so low I thought "I" would never surface again. I ate my sadness, longing, fear, and loneliness away. Thinking about what I was going to eat next, where I would eat it, what foods I had not eaten in a long time, and drinking excessively was a whole lot easier to manage than mourning my grandmother's death, dealing with family squabbles, and 3 months later the loss of my job. It seemed like I blinked and I had piled the weight back on. I had gained 40 pounds back. This made the depression worse and it seemed that no matter what I did in the gym I just could not get the weight back off. I prayed incessantly. Well I started a new job, which eventually switched me to a graveyard schedule, and made friends with one lady in particular. She claimed to be a healer and she said she knew I wanted to lose weight and would "heal" me. What harm could it be, I thought. So I let her pray over me  several times. Never really thinking about it or actively trying to lose weight the pounds started to fall off. I was choosing to sleep or mingling with friends over eating. Food stop dominating my thoughts. The weight miraculously started coming off. I stayed away from the scale, because in my mind I was fat and seeing the number was too depressing. I noticed that my clothes were fitting better, some even loose, and I still thought nothing of it. Then others started commenting on how much I had lost and how good I looked. Due to the nature of my job I always wore the same few outfits. I never dared to try on other clothes in my closet because I KNEW they would not fit and I would just get sad all over again. Well after all the compliments I decided to try on a skirt that I knew i was unable earlier to fit and to my shock and surprise it fell right off.  I was in SHOCK!!!! I started pull out item after item and all with the same results. Finally I hopped on the scale. It read 155 pounds!! WTF!?!?!?!? Me?!?!?!?!?! One fifty ANYTHING!!! Until that moment the smallest I had been was 173. I was elated, overjoyed, and down right stupefied. The results I will take them. 

LESSON LEARNED: Nutrition and what you put into your body is 90% of a healthy body

Fast forward to present day and I have gained all the weight back plus an extra 10 pounds. Contributing factors to this bout of depression were job loss, living situations, a failed marriage attempt, and a horrible experience while living overseas.

LESSON LEARNED: Food is not for comfort. It is best to deal with negative emotions immediately and ASAP. Fixing my physical well being while neglecting my internal well being is not success, in fact it is FAILURE. Finally I will have to incorporate good nutrition, physical activity, and a GOD centered way of life to banish this demon once and for all.

DAY ONE ----- Let's get this party started